What is the way to prevent burnout in your marriage?
Hi, my name is Racheli Liberman.
In my profession I am a certified couples and family counselor and a workshop facilitator for relationship empowerment
and I have an active clinic in Jerusalem.
One of the common complaints that comes to my clinic more than once deals with a complaint of one (or both) of the partners that their relationship is no longer what it used to be.
How do they say it?!
“All the sparks that existed in the past have disappeared and in their place has come a dry routine lacking vitality that makes the relationship very difficult.”
I listen to this complaint and understand that partners are actually describing in simple words burnout in their relationship.
A reality in which there is no special interest or particular excitement in the relationship
everything becomes very routine and in their words “lacking vitality”.
The big issue in that burnout is not necessarily the burnout itself but rather the worn-out reality which causes a situation where every small thing ignites an argument and discomfort between the partners. That same “relationship field” they are in is “dry” there is no “water” in it.
That missing “water” is those things that contribute personally and as a couple to the partners and to the atmosphere between them and consequently give them the strength to overcome challenges and even difficulties.
However, when that “water” is missing in the relationship every small spark in this dry field creates a fire…
From here we understand that the difficulty in burnout is not only from the aspect of lack of interest and dry routine in the relationship but it is much more substantial.
So let us understand a bit what causes burnout in a relationship, and thus we will be able to understand what we need to do in order to bring vitality and water into our field.😁
Relationship burnout often occurs from:
- Conversations at a shallow level and not deep between the partners. (Shallow conversations meaning conversations that are not about us… conversations about the weather, politics, other people etc.)
- Couple experiences that repeat themselves again and again, and experiences where we know exactly how they will end in a complete way.
- No change in the physical location of the partners. They do not go out together at all or if they do go out there is no variety in the place they go to (even a different bench in the neighborhood is considered variety😉)
I have listed a few central points.
Try to see how you work each time a little on one section from what I wrote from your personal place.❤️
And yes, it is completely possible to work on and change
With good will and joint work, with creativity and thinking, your relationship will flourish, grow and develop.
It just needs your thought and your attention.
Much success, connection and love
Racheli
