They stood and talked in the courtyard of the synagogue, Friday afternoon around two, two men.
Both of them did not go to the Ramot mall, they were in the courtyard, soon they would go home after Mincha Gedolah.
I said to them: what’s going on? Who is coming with me to the mall to do some shopping for Shabbat?
Both of them nodded their heads no, not coming.
A’ (a pseudonym) said: “I don’t have money”.
B’ said: “I already have everything”.
At that very moment I merited to understand a simple meaning in one of the most fundamental messages that our sages teach us, Ben Zoma to be precise.
“Who is rich? One who is happy with his portion”.
Two can be in exactly exactly!!! exactly!!! exactly!!! the same situation
But be in a completely opposite state.
Yes, they are in the same situation but they are in an opposite state. How can this be?
Both are not going shopping, both remain in place.
One because he is rich, he is happy with his portion, he needs nothing.
One because he is poor, he is not happy with his portion but he has no money to buy the portion of his friend.
“Who is wise? One who learns from every person”.
Two ask a lot, listen a lot, want more and more to know.
One because he is wise, his wisdom is so great that he longs to know more and more about every field, and he has no problem asking any person about what he knows, the knowledge sticks to him.
One because he is foolish, feels foolish to be precise, he is not confident about anything, does not trust himself at all, about everything he asks asks asks consults consults consults does not dare does not move no.
“Who is mighty? One who conquers his inclination”.
Two remain in their place, do not run after their desires, they are calm.
One because he is mighty. He has desire, he has cravings, he wants also this and also from that and also a bit of this, but he is mighty, he is settled in his mind, he remains in place stable.
One because he is depressed. He has no desire, no cravings, he wants nothing. Despair, gloom, more death than life.
“Who is honored? One who honors others”.
Two honor others and see in others the good and the beauty.
One because he is honored, he has the human dignity that is fitting for him, his mouth and his heart are equal, he knows what he knows and what he is good at, those around him also know and appreciate. It does not threaten him to honor every person as a person.
One because he is humiliated to the dust, he does not see what he is worth, he is sure he is nothing and everyone is most worthy: he is wise, he is righteous, he is rich, he is beautiful, and only for him nothing remained. The glorification of the other lowers him more and more.
Who is a man? One who asks and wants to receive from his wife.
Who is a woman? One who asks and wants to receive from her husband.
Two do not come with complaints and demands to the partner.
One because he deeply understands the matter of the individuality of a person and the value of independence, in the aspect of “you shall eat the labor of your hands, happy are you and it is good for you”,
he knows how to ask, he knows how to receive (this is an art, yes? giving is an act of a layman, receiving is an act of an artist), he knows how to be dependent-for-a-moment and also knows how to be independent-at-every-other-moment,
he is a man among men, he is also a man and he is also among men, he is okay.
One because he no longer believes in this relationship, he does not believe in a relationship at all, he does not want to be disappointed,
he does not need anything from anyone in the world, I do not disturb you you do not disturb me, need nothing, ask nothing and receive nothing. A wolf.
What distinguishes between these two?
What distinguishes between those who experience a home, who give to one another with love, who ask from one another in momentary dependence, who live together in mutuality,
and between the man and the woman who share a home, who demand from one another or need nothing, who are extremely dependent or not dependent at all, who live as a lonely couple?
Consciousness!
Consciousness is the difference.
Not the unique life reality you have, not the home from which your husband came or your wife came, not everything that he or she does or does not do,
but the consciousness, the mind, the approach to this thing called a home.
Exactly like one who does not go shopping and can be rich or poor,
exactly like one who asks questions and seeks knowledge and can be wise or ignorant,
exactly like one who does not go after his desire and can be mighty or weak,
exactly like one who honors all those around him, and can be honored or lowly.
So too is the law and the reason and the cause for the difference between united partners and lonely partners.
These are people of a home, with a home consciousness, with a correct perspective that sees straight and does good,
and those.
For this the land was lost,
for their forsaking My Torah, that they did not bless over the Torah first, that it was not important in their eyes to bless over it.
For this the home will be lost,
for their forsaking My thought, the thought of the home, through living like “a horse like a mule without understanding”, in the race of life the race of non-life.
And for this the home was founded, the home of young couples,
in order to establish a true consciousness, not an elevated consciousness for righteous people uplifted above the nation, not a shallow consciousness for the masses,
but in the aspect of “a ladder set on the earth and its head reaches the heavens”, to be able to fulfill “ascending and descending on it”,
recognizing the lowness of our value, the poverty of our strength and the strength of our inclination,
recognizing the height of our value, the power of our strength and the calmness of our soul.
Thus, with the approach of the ladder, we will be able to build and repair our homes, that they will be in the secret of one, a man and a woman one home, all the homes one home, a home for the One Unique who will find a place of rest in our homeless world,
and how symbolic and how understandable and how frightening it is to see that corresponding to the greatness of heresy in the world – so is the greatness of the destruction of homes, and in every place where there is more heresy – there are fewer homes, for they do not recognize the covenant (from Rabbi Feivelson shlit”a),
the covenant of a person and his God, the covenant of a man and a woman, a covenant of all of us to be responsible for one another.
